Could you tell me a time when you felt in the wrong place?

Being challenged, engaged in nature and having some sort of feeling I am making the world a teeny bit better, are all things that bring me both joy and contentment. I have tried to make decisions throughout my life, to a greater or lesser extent, that are guided by these values, knowing that when I do I am at my happiest. So, when a recent job and a move to London made me realise I wasn’t having a great impact nor running around the hills knee deep in mud (!) I felt thoroughly in the wrong place, with sadness creeping in.

This feeling of being in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing started to gnaw away at me. Bitterness crept in, and I resented myself, the city and the job for it. Instead of seeing the wonderful green spaces in London for the joy they bring people, and the space they give wildlife, I would become sad at the litter in them or the lack of birds in the trees. Simultaneously, whilst I knew my new role would hopefully have an impact, it was very much focused on long term objectives with no current obvious outcomes. I felt guilty for feeling I wasn’t doing any ‘good’, not helping people in a tangible way. In what should have been an exciting start to a new career, became tinged with guilt, self-doubt and questioning. 

Feeling in the wrong place is hard, it brings you down and makes you feel trapped. I have always been so sure of what I wanted to do: my bucket list aged 10 simply said run the marathon des sables (hmm… unlikely) and help people love and access nature. Whilst I hope my plans have become more refined and realistic over the years, it is unsettling to find yourself feeling untrue to yourself. 

Sometimes, you really are in the wrong place and there is a need to address that, if possible, but sometimes, as I have started to learn, it is a case of finding new sources of joy and growing to adapt to change. Whilst I still seek big outdoor spaces and volunteering opportunities, I have also rediscovered my love of gigs, trying exciting cafes and seeing friends I haven’t seen for years. Better adaptation to change is a work in process and I know this feeling will inevitably come and go throughout life with new jobs, changes of place and new relationships. Yet, I’m also starting to value feeling in the wrong place; seeing it as an opportunity to find a different sense of worth.