Could you tell me a time you felt powerful?

It has always been said, that when we are faced with difficult times, these are often the hardest moments of our life. Yet, when we overcome these struggles, each moment contrarily rewards us with great strength. Strength in knowing that the next effort won’t feel so mentally or physically straining. Strength in knowing that positivity lies ahead, and strength in knowing that instead of feeling overwhelmingly powerless every time we head into battle, instead, we will feel undeniably powerful. 

I reflect upon these words a lot when I think about the fact that nearly a decade ago, I never could have anticipated that I would begin experiencing seizures and feeling so out of control of my own mental functioning and in being a pragmatic person, I very much like to do what I want when I want, no questions asked. Undoubtedly, these experiences were quite the opposite and I quickly realised that this condition could, in fact, take up a large chunk of my mental capacity and that for the first time in my life, I would experience immense feelings of anxiety and panic surrounding the thought of when a seizure would next occur. It could be in a minute’s time, next week, next month, or never and I didn’t know whether the unknown was the scariest part of all or a blessing in disguise. 

The unknown provided me with an infinite amount of time to reflect up on all the walls that I had built around me as barriers of self-protection and pick at the callouses that had formed to shield my mind. It gave me an expanse of opportunity to understand that I am not incapable of existence and that it is the strength that lies within me that is allowing me to survive, to thrive, and to push every cognitive and physical aspect beyond what I thought I would be able to do so. Nowadays I choose to foster these thoughts when I wake up each morning – how can I push myself further to unlock my mind and stretch myself far and wide to chip away at every self-limiting story that I had written about my inner being in the past. 

I no longer choose to focus on the repressive thoughts and the potential hurdles that may arise in the future. Instead, I accept the circumstances for what they are, knowing that any pain that I endure, will lead me to a point where not even pain can hurt me. Forgetting times, names, and faces after a seizure no longer equates to a direct reflection of cognitive inability. It doesn’t mean that I am incapable of holding memories or understanding the world around me. It reminds me that between the layers of confusion, are moments that I am still yet to discover, and I know that, in embodying a somewhat commanding mindset, I will reap the rewards of resilience, of success, of greatness and in turn, comfort.  

Not every day is as equally as triumphant as the day before. It goes without saying that the future is largely unpredictable. But there always lies the possibility to forge yourself an easier path to walk on, whereby the weight of anxiety, of epilepsy, of sadness, no longer feels as heavy to carry. I hope that this belief will teach you that you are not too weak, or a burden to yourself and the people that surround you. That you’re still surviving. That you’ve gotten to a point where you’re reading this now. Worthy, able, deserving, of a life of great existence on this Earth. That you were never too little, or never too much, you were and are, always, enough. I hope that you continue to fight for yourself. To let the light shine into your life and illuminate the road ahead that leads to endless possibilities where pain and sorrow cease to exist. When you learn to live this way, there is no end to the journey that you are on. 

Thus, the time I feel most powerful is now. 

Today.  

And the time I will feel more powerful, shall be tomorrow.