Could you tell me a time you felt self acceptance?

I’ve always been my own worst critic, I suppose everyone’s like that. It doesn’t help that my desired career requires scrutinising every part of yourself in the mirror every day. Its incredibly easy to become obsessed with picking out everything that needs to be changed in order to become this ‘perfect person’ and its all well and good being told there’s no such thing but actually believing that seems like an impossible task. “I’ll be happy when I have clear skin” “If I dress like her my picture will get more likes” “I need to be skinny to get work but boys don’t like girls that are too skinny”. All thoughts that pass through my head more often than I’d like to admit. I’ve always thought the answer to these problems would be to find someone who loves every part of me more than I do. If someone sees me as perfect then I must be, right? But what happens when that person’s not there to wipe away those insecurities? Why should I depend on someone else to reassure me that I’m worthy of life?

I started off this year determined to take any steps I could to make me love myself more but I realised all these steps involved changing my appearance, making me more appealing for the male gaze. More desirable. As much as looking more stereotypically “attractive” could spark self confidence, having the mindset that you need to look a certain way in order to be happy will do far more damage than good. At the end of the day if you can’t see why anyone would want you then no one will. You attract the energy that you put out. The only thing that needs to change is your mindset. It’s not as easy as flicking a switch, you can’t just turn off negative thinking. As hard as you might try, you can’t. But take the time to understand why you don’t like certain things about yourself. Is it because of things people have said in the past? What superior knowledge do they have? How perfectly unproblematic are they that they can pass judgement on something that you can’t change? I guarantee they’re not.

I was going to write about a negative experience in my life and the pain and anxiety it caused me but I think this current journey of self acceptance is far more valuable. I’m done waiting for validation from others. I deserve to feel love from myself. Now it’s time to get to know myself and hopefully understand that the parts of me I feel I need to change are simply what make me, me. Who want’s to look the same anyway? It’s not going to be easy but it’s time to accept that this is me for life so I might as well be happy with that.