Could you tell me a time you felt like you weren’t good enough?

For as long as I can remember I have felt like I’ve needed to be more than I am. My childhood was rocky with a split family and high expectations. I’ve always had this overwhelming feeling that I am not worth it, I shouldn’t be here or that I am not good enough. My own mind has been my enemy on many occasions and still to this day I have these thoughts.

I spiralled downhill during the last couple of years of high school then ended up pregnant at eighteen. I recently reflected on that time of my life and realise how disappointed my parents really were. My son is now twenty, I also have an 18-year-old son and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, however, when they were young my self-talk was negative in a sense that I did not want my boys to grow up with a mum they were disappointed in, I also wanted them to grow up seeing that they can do anything they set their mind to, to have their eyes wide open to the possibilities that they are surrounded by. To be good enough.

With that, my life started to spiral upwards, I set goals and achieved them… I set bigger goals and achieved them. Surely, I’m good enough now? No, I can’t just stop now, there is no way I have made people realise I can succeed, or I can be good enough, have I? Nope, ok what’s next…. I need to prove I am worthy, prove that I am good enough

I can’t pinpoint exactly where in my life these feelings or emotions started but I have learnt to use them in a positive light, I have used them to take the next step toward whatever it is I am trying to succeed in. I have been told on numerous occasions, after voicing a new goal, that I would never succeed, I was then faced with two options – to give up or give it a go. I failed, so many times, over & over again, boy did I fail – BUT – I did not give up until I reached the success I was after.

After travelling to various countries around the world to compete in bodybuilding shows, running a successful PT business to help people change their lives, raising two amazing young men, being married to a man that loves & supports me & my boys as well as his own three children, being on a TV show and even buying my own business, some days I still feel like an imposter.

We all face negativity in life, it can be around every corner, behind every door and on the next page of every book… but, if you look hard enough you may just see there is a tiny speck of positive – in every situation.

So, am I good enough yet? I’m still not sure – the voices in my head continue to tell me to step back, out of the light and cower in a corner, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learnt to ignore them.