Could you tell me a time when you needed to slow down?
I knew I wanted to work in the creative industry since I was a little girl. I always asked myself the question, "what do you want to be when you're older if 'what ifs' didn't exist?". According to my sister, the 'what-ifs' in our heads are holding us back.
Working in the creative industry seemed out of reach. I even remember thinking teaching was the safest option. Yet, I daydreamed of studying interior design.
So my goals as a young person were:
to study interior design
finish the degree and get qualified
become a property stylist
I didn't know how and when it was going to happen but I had tunnel vision. Everything I was going to embark on would help me achieve my goals.
I took up a bachelor's degree in Interior Architecture after graduating Highschool at the end of 2016. I had to start the degree as a part-time student because a student loan was not on the cards. We weren't going to be Australian citizens for another year. My options were a gap year or part-time study. The decision was easy to make. Studying part-time would help fast-track my goals.
I enjoyed part-time study but I felt behind compared to my peers. I wanted to become a full-time student. I wanted time to hurry up.
A year later, I started studying full-time and I was enjoying my classes. The stress of uni would get to me from time to time--getting sick now and then.
Starting full-time was great, it meant I was getting closer to my goals. But, I still felt behind. My body never felt relaxed during this stage of my life. I felt uneasy and discomfort lived in me. I wanted time to hurry up. I could not wait to graduate.
When it comes to working towards my goals, I do try and plan things in my head. I have to have my moves thought through. I need to visualise it. My moves should align with my goals, like I said, tunnel vision.
I had planned to finish my courses in the middle of 2022, take up placement and graduate before the year ends. I would then apply for property styling jobs at the start of 2023. Live the reality of my dream career from 2023 and onwards. I thought it was a good plan; a plan that was challenging, fulfilling and achievable.
It wasn't until the middle of 2021 that I thought the plan wasn't good enough. I still felt behind. So I pushed to start and finish my placement before 2021 ends. I was taking up the major course for the degree during that semester. I was juggling placement duties, a critical semester of my study, a part-time job, and my love for the gym. I didn't have time to be burnt out. Being stressed and overworked didn't matter. Nothing else mattered aside from the possibility of graduating earlier.
A possibility of graduating earlier? Heck yes!! All I had to do was pass all my courses with flying colours. I was one step closer to my goal, I should've felt some type of satisfaction by then right?
I didn't though. It still didn't feel good enough. I still felt behind. I then came up with the idea that I must land a property styling job before graduating. I didn't need a degree to become a property stylist but finishing my degree was a personal endeavour. I took the course because I wanted to study the field. I also knew that it would open doors of opportunities in the future.
I started hunting down property staging companies during my last semester of study. I wasn't satisfied enough and I needed a more expeditious plan. I inquired about possible job vacancies and volunteer opportunities. I was already spending my Saturdays in the library. Sacrificing sleep to polish assignments came second nature to me. My plate could never be too full, not when I can fast-track becoming a property stylist. It didn't matter that I kept getting sick every 3 weeks, I had work to do.
I landed a job as a property stylist not long after. I even started working full-time hours the day after I handed in my last assignment. I knew all the hard work paid off, and it did. It was the most amazing feeling ever.
I am still yet to graduate in September this year but landing my dream job felt surreal.
Finishing my last assignments was hectic on top of working long hours. At this stage of my life, I have gotten pretty good at telling when I'm becoming burnt out. I continued to get sick but it didn't matter because I was always burnt out anyway. I kept pushing myself even though I could tell I was on a verge of burnout. I kept going to the gym after 10-hour shifts because I had some PBs to reach.
But then the body aches and tiredness never went away. I got sick for over a month. This time, I couldn't push through. No work, no gym, no going out.
So I went to my doctor. I've had regular blood tests done over the past few years because like I said, I was always sick and fatigued. As usual, everything seemed perfect. The results tell us that I am a young healthy person who enjoys physical activities. No deficiencies, no anything. But according to my doctor, I am a stressed and overworked individual who needs to take things easy. He also told me that we could be dealing with chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia.
Fast forward to now, getting better day by day and yet to see a Rheumatologist in March 2023 for an appointment.
I am grateful to have open communication with my manager about my health. I am also seeing my doctor weekly to track my symptoms. In the meantime, my prescription entails slowing down. I am advised to listen to my body, avoid unnecessary stress, and rest.
I kept pushing until I couldn't anymore. I know that this is a lesson as I wasn't going to slow down anytime soon.
It did open my eyes. It made me realise how important it is to look after ourselves. I couldn't even be at a job that I love because I was sick in bed. I couldn't enjoy the good things in life because I wasn't well.
Our mental and physical wellness affects one another. Let me ask you these questions:
Would you say you're resting if you're in bed thinking of your never-ending to-do list?
Would you say you're resting if you cannot stop brainstorming about your projects?
Would you say you're resting if you feel guilty about it?
I could not tell you a specific reason why I felt the need to rush. Perhaps I should've listened to my father when he said "why are you rushing? No one is putting this pressure on you aside from yourself" or to my co-workers when they said, "slow down, you have time". But perhaps I needed to learn it the hard way, so it sticks with me.
I still have goals that I want to achieve. My tunnel vision is not compromised. I'm a very goal-orientated individual and I will always have goals to work towards. The only difference is that I now know to prioritise my health before anything else. I now know that I will not be able to enjoy my wins if I am not well.
We have to sacrifice time and energy to get to where we want to be. The only question is, how much are you willing to sacrifice?
It's easy to compare ourselves to others but I want you to remember that we all have a different timeline. I hope that you focus on yours and no one else's. Conscientiousness is a gift. Marry your visions with determination and I guarantee that you will achieve anything. Stay present and appreciate where you are now. We only really have the now. All I hope is that you look after yourself so you can enjoy the fruit of your labours. Look after your entire well-being because our health is truly our wealth.
