Could you tell me a time you navigated grief and loss?

In the intricate tapestry of life, we are bound to encounter chapters that challenge our very core, leaving us forever transformed. These are the chapters that define us, shape our perspectives, and ultimately forge our strength. The journey through grief and loss I have experiences spans my years of adolescence to early adulthood, imparting invaluable lessons about empathy, resilience, and the unexpected wellsprings of support.

I was just 16, at boarding school, when grief made an uninvites entry into my life. The sudden passing of my Gran left me grappling with the void that her absence had created. Amidst the ache, I found comfort in the knowledge that I had a supportive network to help me process and understand the storm of grief I was feeling.

As I turned 17, life delivered another kick – the loss of my close childhood friend to suicide. His absence weighed heavily on my heart, accompanied by the weighty guilt of not having reach out to him sooner. This marked the onset of a relentless struggle with overpowering emotions, the grip of anxiety, and an unforeseen battle against my own mind.

The subsequent years seemed to be a series of trials testing my resilience. My 18th birthday came and went, without the presence of two individuals who has always been pillars in my life. The loss of my aunt at 18 prompted contemplations about whether these years were a sequence of unfortunate events or a start revelation of life’s fragility.

Transitioning into young adulthood brought new waves of heartache. At 19, witnessing friends lose parents forced me to confront the reality of mortality. Watching the vibrant father of my childhood best friend who was full of life one day and gone the next. This experience forced me to reflect on my own inner reservoir of strength and the capacity to endure.

Life's challenges are great teachers. The journey through grief illuminated the significance of support, both giving and receiving. It reminded me that appearances can be deceiving; behind smiles may hide battles unknown. It is this awareness that now drives me to offer solace to those in need.

Grief isn’t linear, far from it actually. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s about allowing ourselves to feel, acknowledging the pain, and not punishing ourselves for it. Some days, the smallest triggers can evoke the biggest emotions. I realise now its crucial to catch ourselves in these moments, remind ourselves that it’s okay, and seek support when necessary.

I have realised that creating space for healing is essential. It’s about setting boundaries, taking breaks when needed, and practicing the art of compartmentalisation. It really is a gradual process, but crucial for maintaining emotional well-being. I find for me that debriefing with someone or jotting thoughts down can provide a necessary outlet.

Amidst these chapters, life has thrown me many more challenges. At 20, my Poppa was diagnosed with motor neurone disease, and was given only a year to live. I grappled with frequent trips to visit him while managing placement in an environment where death was a frequent visitor. While I did struggle to accept his fate, I am grateful to have been able to juggle these challenges and I cherish those memories made with him in his last year. Exactly a year from his diagnosis, Poppa passed away, ushering in a new phase of challenges involving the complexities of family dynamics after his passing.

And yet, life’s trials didn’t relent. Just a few months ago, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, the same day my younger sister lost her close friend in a car accident. As my mum embarks on the journey of chemotherapy, I find myself in a delicate dance between mourning the loss of my grandpa and making space to process my mum’s diagnosis.

Life’s challenges might test us, but I’ve come to realise that strength is often born from vulnerability. My experiences have highlighted that we can never truly know the battles others are fighting beneath their smiles. And so, I try my best to always be a source of support, a listening ear, and a reminder to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

The happenings of grief and loss are often woven into the fabric of our being. They shape our understanding of empathy, resilience, and the importance of seeking and offering support. As I continue to navigate life, I carry with me the wisdom earned from each loss, each challenge. This is a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles – a simple acknowledgement can spark a lifetime of support.  

So to all those treading their path through grief, remember that support is available, your emotions are valid, and there is strength in seeking and offering support.